(no subject)

i deleted my personal journal and am now only going to use this weight loss/ed journal.

I made a promise/commitment to myself that when I next get paid I am going to find some sort of suggested meal plan with suggested lunch breakfast dinner meals and follow it for at least a week, preferably two weeks (as i'd rather buy two weeks worth of food).
I also started keeping track of points via weight watchers today.
Now, my little weight watchers packet of information comes with some suggested meal plans and i've been tentatively building a grocery list. But, shit, it's so fucking hard to make a healthy sensible weight loss meal plan when there are soooo many foods I just won't eat. My whole life I've been a picky eater and then the ed stuff made it even worse and I have been trying my damndest to get outside of my little food box, and I have been making SOME progress. but in very small amounts. I've been working at pizza hut for three years total and just recently I've added tomatos and banana peppers and pineapple to my always and forever just been pepperoni or pepperoni and green pepper or pepperoni and mushroom pizza. This mostly came about because I wont eat mushrooms anymore and am bored with green pep but still wanted to get vegetables on my pizza.

I've never in my LIFE been able to eat pineapples up until the last month, so I'm pretty proud of myself there. and banana peppers either. And sometimes i put jalapenos on too!

I just don't want to be in this fucking small box of foods I can eat anymore. My grocery list for the last 7 years of my life could have been photocopied and the same one used over and over again. Bread, milk, taco chips (until they changed them), lettuce, cheese, ground beef, summer sausage, sometimes cottage cheese sometimes two yogurts, ranch whenever i need more. I'd eat the same damn thing. Summer sausage sammiches or taco salad. every day. every day. ugggg. I don't want to do that anymore so i've been trying to escape. and spaghetti. i'd buy spaghetti stuff which was just the cheapest white noodles and the chunky vegetable spaghetti sauce.
tried to buy the wheat noodles, but i'm still working on changing that habit.  for a while i was stuck on chicken wraps like qdobas makes (but probably much healthier) sometimes mashed potatos and pork steak (not beef steak because it gives me headaches.)

i would like to re introduce my body to all the foods i've developed slight food allergies to as well. Like pork products. Ham, bacon of all forms. When i make beef steak at home it gives me headaches (but not in the restaurant) but pork steak doesnt, which is weird since normally all pork products that aren't seasoned (like italian sausage, summer sausage and pepperoni) do and beef doesn't.

I just want to be able to eat a much larger variety of foods so that when i have children i can introduce them to all sorts of things and not make them eat just the things that I do and put them in the cycle that i am in. (which i likely picked up from my mother, as i eat roughly the same things that i grew up on. when i was a child we had spaghetti almost every day because it was cheap. and cheese and milk because of WIC)

I never feel like I have time to cook though with ten hour days. But, in reality I do and there are certain things I can make on my days off and use on the days i work, particularly on the weeks where my days off are separated and i'm on two days off and then one three days and then off again.

stupid food.